High Five for Friday: January 24

What a week! You know this Lizzie McGuire gif?

That’s been me! Let’s find out why!

• Last Thursday, I found out that I was going to start working remotely full-time… and that began this past Monday (yes, four days later!)! So, as you might imagine, it’s been a crazy week! But now that things have begun to settle down, I think I’m ultimately happy about the change—I’ll get two hours back in my day by ditching the commute, and I don’t have to go to an office and sit in an empty room for eight hours! (My boss left back in the fall, and since then, I’ve just been sharing a room with his empty desk—so sad! At least now I’ll have Pops as a “co-worker,” haha!)

My current makeshift home office!

• I mentioned last week that I’ve been dealing with some depression-like symptoms. They’ve been especially pronounced on weekends, and sure enough, I was an emotional wreck last Saturday night. I was feeling a lot and really missing Kristin, who was always super calm and helpful when faced with my emotions. I ended up calling Kristin’s mom (who BONUS sounds exactly like her!), and we commiserated about missing our girl. Her mom is a sweet angel and was very helpful, just as Kristin would have been. ❤️❤️

• Sunday was a better day! I actually showered—something that felt way too daunting on Saturday! And I only took one nap! And I did the wash and made it to yoga! Buuut yoga was canceled because we were locked out of the building. Womp. I didn’t want to go straight home after FINALLY getting out of the house, so I went to Ulta and Target. I haven’t really been in the mood to shop, but it was fun to look around and pick up a few new things with some Christmas gift cards!

• On Tuesday, I saw my beloved psychiatric nurse practitioner. We’re going to chat again in a few weeks to see how my depression symptoms are because, if they were triggered by the medication change I mentioned last week, I should be feeling better by then. I know that people (rightfully) put a lot of emphasis on finding a therapist that you click with, but I think it’s also vitally important to click with your psychiatric professional. When it’s a good match, at least in my experience, you feel heard and supported. That’s huge!

• Also on Tuesday, I picked up some more of my new fave Lush product, Ro’s Argan, something Kristin had introduced me to. I hate that sticky moisturizer feeling, so I love that you rinse Ro’s Argan off!

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: January 17

What a crazy week! Let’s see what brought the sparkle:

• Over the weekend, the weather here was gorgeous—65 and sunny! Yahoo! Even though I’ve had zero energy (more on that later), I made it out for two walks around the neighborhood! I even listened to the Beach Boys one of the days, just to get fully in the summertime mood! 😂

• I also made it out to Target! I didn’t buy anything exciting, but Target is just always a calming place to be—for me, at least.

• Yeah, so I wouldn’t say I’m an energetic person, but I have been utterly exhausted lately. Like, can’t get off the couch, can’t get out of bed in the morning, feeling pretty depressed, etc. Something just feels way off. It finally dawned on me that this might be related to a recent medicine change. Luckily, I see an amazing psychiatric nurse practitioner who is very receptive when I contact her with med questions in between sessions. I emailed her my thoughts, and sure enough, she told me to try going back to the lower dose. I am so so appreciative that I have a psychiatric professional who is super attentive, actually listens to me, and isn’t a pill-pusher. (Can you tell I’ve had bad experiences with psychiatrists in the past?) This woman is just THE BEST. Not many things get me to drive into Philly, but she can!

• Okay, who picked Ken to be the Jeopardy GOAT? (Pops did!) I’m so sad it’s over now! But I’m also extremely proud of myself because I said Iago! ENGLISH MAJORDOM FINALLY PAID OFF! Here’s looking at you, Prof. O’Hara!

• Lastly, a grad school friend reposted this last week, and I LOVE it. Techniques like this have actually become a big part of my therapy. I looove me some validation and definitely rely on other people to make me feel good about myself, which is not super ideal or even always possible. So my therapist will ask me how *I* can give the thing that I need (or that my inner children needed) to myself now. Which I’m not always thrilled about—I just want someone else to comfort me, dammit! I don’t want to be alone with my feelings! But, realistically, I’m the only one who’s always available to me, so it’s not a bad tactic for when I’m starting to feel panicked but don’t have therapy or can’t get ahold of my safe people. And it eliminates the guilt/anxiety spiral of reaching out to someone who isn’t getting back to you. This whole approach is still pretty new to me, but it’s definitely been an eye-opener!

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If you feel dumb typing fake texts to yourself, that’s normal. I did too. Now I don’t anymore because guess what, this shit works. Our subconscious minds can’t tell the difference between hearing these things from ourselves and hearing them from some other person. . Yeah, I know, when you do this, you don’t get to feel the dopamine hit of a text coming in from someone whose attention you desire, but you get something INFINITELY BETTER: the ability to source your own self-love and inner approval without relying on another, possibly sketchy person who’s focused on their own shit and whose behavior you cannot control. And you know what you DEFINITELY DON’T get? The crushing feelings of regret and self-loathing that happen when you do reach out to someone, hoping for something that feels good in response, and are met with... not that. I haven’t done a scientific study or anything, but in my own experience of having sought validation, attention and affection via electronic communication, I’d say the ratio of “brief dopamine hit” to “self-loathing regret spiral” is like 1:4. . I believe that the most direct path to personal empowerment is to refuse to abandon myself. To be my own ride or die. When I sit around waiting for someone else to approve or disapprove of me, this is self-abandonment. When I turn over the power and responsibility for how I feel about myself to another person, I’m setting myself up for self-loathing when they don’t text me back or don’t tell me what I need to hear. . If it helps, feel free to remind yourself that *I* write fake texts to myself all the time. So you won’t be alone in your efforts. ❤️ #emilyonlife

A post shared by Emily McDowell (@emilyonlife) on Jan 8, 2020 at 7:03pm PST

Hope you have a great weekend! xo

High Five for Friday: January 10

Let’s see what brought the sparkle this week!

• Let’s start with a momentous milestone! Last Thursday marked one year of seeing my male therapist! (I currently have two therapists that I see regularly, a woman and a man.) Before last year, I had only ever seen female therapists and wouldn’t remotely consider a male therapist—how could I pour my heart out to some random dude who would surely be judging me?! But then a female therapist that I had been seeing left this practice and recommended the guy I see now. I begrudgingly agreed to one session, just to confirm that it was the worst idea… and here we are, one year later! 😂 Obviously, we ended up clicking, and he proved to be an enormously helpful support in a very difficult year. I’m so proud of myself (and a bit astonished!) for sticking with something so far outside my comfort zone. It’s an important reminder for me that I can do more than my anxiety thinks I can. ❤️

• On Saturday, I had a delightful outing with my dear friend Alana! Crystals and fries, ftw!

And look at this sweet gift she brought me! I do need to calm the heck down, so the fuzzy socks and under-eye patches will definitely come in handy!

• On the topic of crystals:

• On Sunday night, I went to a candlelit yoga class that featured restorative yoga and massage! Not just adjustments but legit massage!! I just want allll the cozy restorative vibes these days, and I will never say no to massage, so it was a perfect combo!

• Is anyone else watching the Jeopardy: Greatest of All Time competition?! Pops and I are totally riveted! We even got one of the Final Jeopardy questions right, so we feel like total geniuses! 😂

Hope you have a great weekend!

2019 Favorites

I can’t believe it’s that time of year again! Let’s see what some of my favorite buys of 2019 were:

iPhone 11

Two words: camera and battery. Having a fantastic camera with me at all times is like a dream come true. (Seriously, I sometimes get better pics with it—especially in low-light—than with my DSLR.) And the battery lasts forever. I accidentally forgot to plug it in once while running my white noise app overnight, and it was only at 30% the next morning. Like what?! I was kind of reluctant to give up my iPhone 7, which was perfectly fine, but the camera and battery enhancements on the iPhone 11 have made upgrading totally worth it.

Wrist rests (Amazon and Amazon)

These guys helped to heal my mysterious wrist pain, so I can’t recommend them enough!

Let the Good Times Roll (Lush)

I mean, it’s a face and body exfoliator that smells like cookies—come on.

Cynthia Rybakoff Skinny Square Band

I bought this on a whim when I was in NYC on my birthday, and I still love it!

Heathyoga leggings (Amazon)

Super comfy leggings with pockets for under $20! I want to wear them pretty much every day.

Collsants Backpack (Amazon)

This guy has become my go-to purse since arriving in August. It’s much smaller than a regular backpack, BUT it still has two compartments (one can even fit a full-size notebook!), a front pocket, and a secret pocket in the back!

Nobel Earring Set (GLDN)

I tend to buy studs and wear them all the time for a solid year+, and that’s what happened with these beauties! They’re dainty, they go with everything, AND they don’t bother my sensitive ears! Win-win-win! Sadly, these exact studs are no longer available, but GLDN has a lot of other cute options.

What are your favorite purchases of 2019?

High Five for Friday: January 3

First H54F of the new decade! 😱 Does anyone else get really stressed out by New Year’s? I hate all the pressure to do something big on NYE and become a “new me.” 🙄 But writing this post really reminded me that there was sparkle this week, despite how down I felt at times. ❤️

• On Friday, I was feeling a bit better after my mystery Christmas illness, so Pops and I went into Philly to see the Macy’s Christmas light show and the Christmas Village at City Hall! It’s been fairly warm here, so it was a nice day to explore the city.

• Over the weekend, I felt super exhausted from my big day out, so I took a lot of naps and watched a lot of Mom. But I managed to make it out to a restorative yoga + yoga nidra workshop, which was amazing! I legit dozed off in savasana. My friend Alana sent me this, and it’s not wrong:

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The ideal Sunday Funday tomorrow is this 🤣. #theyogishowpodcast #yogapodcast #yogabros #yoga #yogi

A post shared by Pedro Luna & Bryan Holub (@theyogishowpodcast) on Dec 28, 2019 at 4:11pm PST

• On Monday, Pops and I went out on our other usual holiday pilgrimage: to the King of Prussia Mall, which was a zoo but full of Christmas cheer.

Kind of in love with this sparkle filter on Instagram.

Then we stopped at Target, where I used a few Christmas gift cards to pick up this weighted blanket! I got the 12 lb one, and it’s pretty great.

• My dear friend Karuna sent me this cute card. How perfect! It was such a delightful surprise!

• Lastly, I started off 2020 by going to a yin yoga class with a teacher I really like. I don’t know if yin is for me (if I’m going to hold poses forever, I think I’d rather be in restorative), but there were a lot of adjustments, so that made it pretty delightful!

Hope you have a great weekend! xo